life's a tangled web (of cellphone calls and hashtag, 'i don't know's)

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Travel posts are turning out to be much more intimidating and harder to complete than I had anticipated. While I work on them, I thought I'd put together a quick post about the 5 Seconds of Summer concert I went to last night in Glasgow. 

I guess there's not much to say here other than I saw 5SOS again and obviously loved every single second of being in the same room as my favorite band. Anyone who knows me will know that I've always had a 'favorite band' and I've always been high-key obsessed with some musical group and 5SOS have been added to my list of absolute favorites since last year.

I saw 5SOS last summer at Jones Beach on their Rock Out With Your Socks Out tour (shout out to Nicole for having a friend with an extra ticket and taking me along!!) and I've got tickets to see them again at MSG this summer with Ella. What made this show particularly memorable for me was a) it wasn't in New York, obviously, and b) I went alone. 

Almost all of my high school career revolved around going to concerts (I counted the weeks and months in sophomore and junior year by how long it would be until I was back in the city at Terminal 5 or Webster Hall or The Gramercy) so it wasn't the prospect of going to a concert that was memorable about this - it was the fact that I went alone. I'd never gone to a concert alone before and I'd never been to Glasgow alone before. I'd visited Glasgow twice, only to go to the SSE Hydro (where the concert was), and only by car. Being by myself at a concert and relying on the train to get to and from Glasgow was the big deal. 

Firstly, I wasn't really expecting to go alone - I had two tickets, but Ella, who I originally intended to the ticket to be for, couldn't fly to Scotland in the middle of the school week (I probably should have considered that before I bought her a ticket, honestly) and the girl who was going to go with me in her place ended up getting sick the night before the show. Day of, I spent a while trying to get a last minute person to come along so I wouldn't have to go alone, but no one (of course, I don't know many people here) was able to. So, at 4:30 pm on Wednesday April 20, I was alone on a crowded train to Glasgow Central with two tickets in the pocket of my Topshop leather jacket. 

Unsurprisingly, I was really anxious about the whole thing. I was anxious about looking stupid going to a concert alone (especially when the majority of the concert-goers were younger than me), I was anxious about getting there and getting back by myself, and I was anxious about being in a city I don't know well by myself, without any backup. I'm not going to write through the whole concert, I just want to touch on the most important thing I realized last night: it was fine. 

It was totally fine. 

I got there fine. I had to ask for directions, but it was fine. The people around me probably definitely were judging me (mostly probably because I tripped and spilled everything everywhere at the beginning), but it was fine. I got back to the train station after the concert, in a massive crowd, and it was fine. I had to wait half an hour for the next train to Edinburgh, but I got some food from M&S, and it was fine. It was a really long train ride, late at night, but it was fine. I got back to Edinburgh past midnight and had to walk back to my flat all on my own, but it was fine. I had to wake up really early this morning, too, but it was fine. It was fine. 

The most important thing I was reminded of last night was how unnecessary it is to get as anxious as I do. I often get overwhelmed with intense, sometimes almost incapacitating, anxiety before doing something new or scary - and, more often than not, it turns out to be just fine (look at the entire saga of me going abroad, for example). Maybe not perfect, but fine. And I feel like I know this, too. Every time I get through something anxiety inducing I tell myself that I've really got to stop freaking out, but then I do it again the next time. It's a cycle that nearly always ends the same way. 

I'm going to try to keep this concert in the forefront of my mind as an example for the next time I get anxious or overwhelmed about doing something new.  It wasn't perfect, but it was fine. I was fine. Despite the fact that I was anxious, despite the fact that I was sure it was going to go terribly, it was fine. If I can keep my head on, I can do it. I've done it before. I can do it again.

Also, I got to see my favorite band again. And I may or may not have spent £45 on merch. It's all good. 

Until next time! 
xx, g 

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